Yesterday's work on Chapter 11 went well. I didn't get a lot of wordage--only about three paragraphs from yesterday morning until after 10 last night--but the quality was there. The voice of Drayton is back. After a long, lonely period, he's speaking to me again.
He went on vacation while I was writing the first draft, but is apparetly back, tanned and rested. Let me give you idea of the difference.
In the draft of Chapter 11, the first paragraph was :
I awoke the next morning to the music of someone pounding his fist on the door to my apartment. I had fallen asleep the night before in my recliner as I watched TV. The channel that had been playing “Green Acres” when I left consciousness was now showing an infomercial for exercise equipment. Times change.
That's all right, but it now reads:
I awoke the next morning to the music of someone pounding on the door of my apartment. I was asleep in the recliner in the living room when the sound stunned me awake. The TV was on. The channel that had been showing Green Acres seemingly moments before was now showing a bright, bubbly, and cheerless infomercial for a no-money-down real estate scam. A tanned man in a polo shirt and a pale woman in a sundress shilled themselves smugly in blistering seaside sunlight, and I wondered when Professor Marvel was going to appear with the patent medicine.